Feline flatulence and the future of civilization

My argument is that science often attempts to recreate naturally occurring phenomena by technological means, and that the results often are subject to the “law of unintended consequences”.

Over the past several decades, Hollywood has been instrumental in ‘gently’ opening the lid of the Genie’s bottle, through movies and television series designed to familiarize people with what was just over the horizon. Today, web instruments, like memes for instance, are used with similar intent.

We see hints poop up everywhere until they tend to coalesce into messages picked up and disseminated further by mass media.

Case in point, as we’ve all read and heard: the internet is made of tubes… The internet is made of cats… Fear the cat butt… Photos of cats’ eyes glowing in the dark “assuming direct control”… And now, cat farts. Why? To get a sense as to where this all might lead, let’s first have a look at NASA’s recording of solar events to analyze their occurrences and effects, using technology developed at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory (LLNL).

The technology, developed to improve computer chips’ manufacturing specifications and performance, was used to great effect by the Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO). Below is a photo montage of slides taken by NASA’s vehicle:

Solar slides taken by NASA’s SDO

Now for comparative purposes is a now familiar capture of Miss Jenny’s fart using a mass spectrometer:

Jenny fart cloud
Mass spectrometer assisted photographic capture of cat poot.

While there do appear to be similarities, the shapes and energy releases (swirls and lightning) in the cat’s fart seem to display a more organized pattern, maybe even a design. But I’ll leave the potentially religious considerations to proponents of either Ceiling Cat or Basement Cat, and concentrate on the science.

The releases of energy, discovered by the LLNL scientists have been analyzed in conjunction with a researcher at Stanford’s Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC), and have been shown to be ‘influenced’ by emissions of light particles popularly (and erroneously) referred to as “laser eyes”.

cat fart reacting to cat's eye photonic emission
Jenny’s fart cloud reacting to photonic emissions from Tito’s peepers

Notice the realigning of molecules and energy. An instrument developed jointly by LLNL and SLAC is used to measure the pulse by pulse levels of energy of an X-ray Free Electron Laser (XFEL).

Now, the XFEL’s ability to capture atoms and molecules in motion with minimal disruption led to another intriguing discovery at SLAC’s Linac Coherent Light Source (LCLS) program: molecules in cats’ farts are imprinted with data and react to photonic emissions from their eyes (the cats’, not the molecules. And if you don’t stop cracking jokes in the back, you’ll get to stay after class).

My theory is that a cat farting on a human is simply an attempt to fully communicate with us, by ‘flagging’ all of our senses, and making us inhale information, so to speak. This process, or more accurately ‘collection of processes’ is now the subject of study for applications ranging from data storage and management to renewable energy (they cannot stop farting, it seems). So if the law of unintended consequences does apply, we may well end up with complete world domination by cats and find ourselves in the litter box… Remember:

He who controls the farts

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Friday Night Cats Blogging: with sadness and a whiff of disgust

Regrettably, I need to talk about the passing of two of my favorites… Let me rephrase that: the passing of gas by Mazuzu “Mace” Whang and Jenny N.
This is another dimension to the old “fear the cat butt” slogan, such as the one I wrote about in “when the nitty gets real gritty”.

Mazuzu farts, Tito is camouflaged
Mazuzu farts, Tito is camouflaged

When I grew up, our cats were indoors/outdoors with a large yard in which to romp. Our current crop of kittounes are housebound, but still get plenty of exercise. So, why they should squeeze out the foulest SBDs* on a semi-regular basis, I have no clue.
There’s no competition to eat, they all have plenty and stress-free nomming sessions.

peas in a pod farts in a box
Peas in a pod, farts in a box...

I have no idea whether Tito ever cuts the cheese, but there is no doubting the other two open up the valves of hell whenever they get heavy petting.
The most foul? Miss Jenny. That’s right, and I can tell when it’s her as the air takes on a different hue and seems to shimmer as in the summer heat. That’s just before the cloud envelops you like an overly friendly drunk who hugs you and won’t let go and follows you all the way to the window.

Jenny's fart photo using a Mass Spectrometer
Jenny's fart photographed with a mass spectrometer

You best start the fan, because the fiendish aerosol hangs about for a while and sounds travels slower through it: in her farts, no one can hear you scream. It even generates its own lightning!

No. There is no silver lining to those clouds… As to Maz, you can hear the faintest “buzz”, a bit like a distant boat motor and get a look of heavy sarcasm: “there’s more room outside than inside”, it seems to say. Then you feel like someone pelted you with rotten eggs and cat food.

* SBD: Silent But Deadly

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Friday Night Cats blogging: New World Order

We know cats took over the internet.
We have always known this would be the beginning, and we have proof that the end is nigh for man’s dominion over this world…
Tito has been exercising his power of inflicting pain on humans who displease Him from afar. Witness Him assuming direct control over this human on TV.

Tito assuming direct control
Tito assuming direct control

Mazuzu Whang displaying His power, eyes and ears in perfect celestial alignment… Did I mention he can fly?

Kitsy eyes and ears alignment
Thus spake Mazuzu Whang

Miss Jenny Herself ripped tufts of Her fur in rage (well okay, it was a fluffy toy but the intent was chillingly clear).

Jenny furry toy

Traumatic though this upheaval may seem, Cats prove themselves to be kind Masters, Ceiling Cat be praised…

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Caturday blogging: Saturday morning cattoons

Time for the Pointy Eared Superstars to shine a bit:

Maz on black blanket
I make this look goooood....
Tito Jenny in basket
Wake us when the food's ready...

There’s still the occasional bout of hissing, and Miss Jenny sounds a little bit like this (sorry about the definition, but we’re talking post WWII cartoons, here):

The little romance between Tito and Jenny is a little bit like this:

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Caturday blogging: the cute is strong

It’s Tito’s turn to feel under the weather with sniffles and sneezes galore. He is on his way to recovery, but it’s been a trying three days.

That and lay offs at work… In any event, this is our excuse for the delay in posting about our masters and mistress. The mistress who farted on me twice in less than 24 hours, the furry fiend. Oh she loves to be petted, for then she poots. Christ. Here they are in their splendor:

Jenny in tower
I'm gassy...
Tito and Jenny
Flavor flav...
Maz tail
Tail of Maz for lunch

Animals teach us many lessons don’t they?

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Friday Night Cats Blogging: in the land of Pointy Eared people

Well I was wrong: despite being a tortie mix, Jenny has not one crazy mean bone in her. We’ve now had plenty of opportunity to watch her at play with her two uncles, and heard nary a hiss.

Miss Jenny and Kitsune
Ah keess yu!

She’ll hop next to them and “bop” one in the head with a mild slap and no claws (Maz is remarkably unscathed after several romps).
Although, there was this one time yesterday when Maz sat on the bed, watching her from his meatloaf position and she approached him from the floor, sideways and all fluffed up, growling fiercely.

Miss Jenny
I’ll fart on you!

The kind of growling that says “I will end you and all that you love”. Well, Maz being Maz remained unfazed and she “deflated” soon afterwards. This afternoon, she did a half-Frankenstein, leading us to hope for a full-Frankenstein at some point in the future.

Speaking of “deflation”, the little darling’s still got the occasional case of the farts. Perhaps we out to call her Jenny Pujol? For a feral kitty with virtually no ‘social’ interaction, it did not take much more than a week for Jenny to show her cuddly, loving and playful nature. We knew it was important for her to have a safe place to hide, but also to never be alone with the other two.
As expected, Tito had a major role in making her feel safe enough to venture out and greet us, and she loves to romp with Maz, especially.

The most interesting cat in the world

Earlier, we chuckled at the computer desk crawling with them Pointy Eared folks.
We end this installment with a song we weren’t familiar with, about Freddie Mercury’s favorite cat Delilah. Enjoy.

Delilah lyrics are here.

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Friday Night Cats Blogging: Black Friday edition…

Maz Whang’s been under the weather these past few days, something which wasn’t readily apparent at first.

Update by Rudha-an:  Maz is better this evening.  He’s eating more and has gone exploring in Jenny’s room instead of heading straight back to bed.  He still has a way to go before he’s fully recovered, but he’s definitely on the road.  🙂

Kitsune aka Maz Whang
Ah dunt feel gud....

All three cats had the sneezes and got a little extra L-Lysine in their food. I thought at first he might be taken aback a bit by the new arrival, stifling his usual enthusiasm.
In addition, the weather’s turned colder, driving Maz under the blankets. That said, he spent an inordinate amount of time hidden there and –gasp – even stopped eating a couple days ago. Today was to be decision time about a trip to the vet, but Maz perked up early this morning, eating and even chasing Tito and Jenny briefly.

Nightshade Jenny

We’re monitoring him closely as even this bit of progress can be deceptive, but it’s still encouraging.
Tito and Jenny spend much of the day wrestling, Jenny meowing “UNCLE!” every so often, only to launch herself at Tito again once he lets go. PSYCH!

Miss Nightshade Jenny & Tito
Love is in the air...

She’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen
Such a beautiful violence coming in
– The Creatures “Prettiest Thing”

Miss Nightshade Jenny
Ain't she purty, though?

She now knows all the good sleeping spots: the chair by the kitchen window, the cat tower, the doggie bed by the computer and Tito’s paisley dog cushion by our bed.
I’m also very happy to announce that the turd flicking has stopped and that she no longer runs to hide when one of us bipeds lumbers around.

Tito played a huge part in bringing her out of her shell, and she is a loving little dynamo, purring up a storm at the slightest touch, grabbing the petting hand with both paws (but no claws) to rub her chin against it and patting it with both sets of pink jellybeans.
Yes, her tiny jellybeans are the color of pink lemonade.

What lovable creatures they all are… The cute is strong in this one.

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Friday Night Cats Blogging: early transmission

Yet another dawn broke over JBoD’s realm, streaming photons into the fearsome three. Or two, since Tito is really more of a lovebug.

Tito Suave

Miss Nightshade Jenny slumbers in her private room dreaming of the void between stars, while Tito longs to make friends and Maz Whang plots another food theft. Jenny’s food.

Nom-noms and everything else...

As a friend of Rudha-an suggested, it could well be that the mix of Siamese and Tortoiseshell in Jenny’s make up has resulted in a creature fit for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Witness the gnawing on my wife’s arm alternating with grooming: I chew, I lick, I chew, I lick… Look at her crossways and she hisses before grooming you again. Okay, but what about the chewing on Rudha-an’s eyebrows? By the way, for those of you who never experienced a kitten chewing contentedly on your eyebrows, the hardest part is fighting the giggles. Laughing could be deadly, and Mister Bean would be a perfect target for her “attentions”.

I sing the body electric

Looking at Jenny’s angelic face and the arch of her eyes, one could easily forget the unusual red fiery spots on her ears, giving a clue as to her temperament. I foresee epic encounters with Mazuzu Whang, himself so much larger than life, on a scale not seen since, well, since Galactus and the Silver Surfer showed up in our system, with Tito and us playing the role of the Fantastic Four.

By the way, just to clarify the kibble tossing: Jenny flicks her head to spit out the kibble, then bats it around. In other words she spits and smacks it around savagely. I am thinking of her more and more as Heddy. Miss Heddy Hades…

The sun will be setting soon, and knowing She owns the night, I shiver.

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com


Day two: Hedwig and the angry hiss..?

Hmmm… Is Nightshade Jenny trying to tell us something, I wonder?

Open. Open.Open.

Previously, on this channel, butt-head Maz Whang hissed at Jenny and at my wife when she picked him up to, let’s say “decrease the atmospheric pressure” in the room. Made me wish I had the camera ready, it looked like something out of the first “exorcist” and all I could think of was:

Ego te absolvo in nomine Patris, et Filiii, et Spiritus Sancti!!!!

Not Mazuzu Whang, but close enough. Tito, on the other hand, seems much more mellow and just very curious about the little ball of fur. There is a possibility that Tito could help in bringing her out of her shell, but we’ll explore that later.

Sugar and spice, huh?

In another post, this one about Mazuzu, I’d mentioned that it’s sometimes better to wait for the newly adopted to come up with their own name. And well, beyond the oh-so-sweet blinking gaze of Jenny’s blue peepers, I now sense something more than just the cute, vulnerable fuzzy-wuzzy that makes us go all kajagoogooey and ghoo-buh-ghee? Goo-buh-ghee-ish.

What happened yesterday, I can’t quite discount or otherwise sweep under the carpet. When in the safe room with my wife in the evening, Jenny decided to do a bit of exploring. Wonderful! Yes?

But when my wife was perceived to be getting “danger close” to the dish of wet food, Jenny fixed her with her ice-blue eyes and hissed a clear warning. Sooo-eee! We got us a handful there I think, so let’s see:

Hedwig \he(d)-wig\ as a girl’s name is of Old German origin, and the meaning of Hedwig is “contention, strife“. Actress Hedy Lamarr was born Hedwig Kiesler.

Hmmm. Hedy… Hedwige… Hedda…

"It's HEDley!!!"

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com



Friday Night Cat Blogging: Mystery Girl Coming Soon

It’s time for the boys to shine…for the last time. Next time, they shall be shining with a girl. Yes, we are about to bring home a kitty. We don’t know which kitty yet. We’ll go see in the morning. 🙂

Here are the boys.

Kitsy cleaning the jellybeans
Kitsy cleaning the jellybeans
Mystery girl
Who she is, we won't know until tomorrow. We will follow up with a formal announcement

Increase your website traffic with Attracta.com