Another Friday night has rolled around and it’s time for our pointy eared people to have the spotlight. Ok, it’s only Friday afternoon, but what the heck. Here they are enjoying their favorite pastimes. We have always had happy kitty cats. I think they are even more happy since Jenny’s arrival.
Now we would like to share this happy dog video. I think happy is an understatement.
Paraskevidekatriaphobia, the irrational and morbid fear that something really, really, but really bad is going to happen when the calendar turns to Friday the 13th.
Irrational? But there is a greater fear about a more definite and immediate threat of getting your head ‘sploded by cats. And there’s no name for that yet.
Even Miss Jenny was excluded from their conversation… Whatever, man… ‘Spect the ‘stache…
Eventually, Maz ambled back into the living room and “parked” himself in front of the television until…
Maz being nothing if not excessive, he ‘sploded another head, lifting his paw under the strain. Either that or he was passing gas.
For those who haven’t mastered their powers yet, and I pray they don’t, Tito recommends starting with something easy like the photobomb…
It’s Friday night and time for our pointy eared people to shine. Miss Nightshade Jenny is now fully integrated into the JBoD household. Tito and Kitsy are completely wrapped around her little paws. The cooing and trilling around here is enough to make person ill with the overwhelming sweetness of it all. In other words, they are happy. It’s all good. Our boys were happy before she came home with us. They are happier now.
We have always said that our kitties earn their names. As a result, we don’t normally name them right away. In Miss Jenny’s case, we did it differently. Her name at the SPCA was Nightshade, a perfectly poisonous, yet wonderful plant. It can be so deadly and yet it gives us potatoes and eggplant, not to mention chile peppers. The name Jenny came from the Three Penny Opera and the Pirate Jenny song. Miss Jenny has now shown her true colors and her name is perfect.
Don’t let her innocent face and lovely blue eyes fool you. She can be murderous. We have found the evidence. It’s appalling, I tell you. We didn’t really do anything for the holidays. We did get something for our pointy eared people. It was a couple of catnip fish with feather tails. I’m sure they are designed to totally confuse the kittehs, but that’s another story.
I awoke the other morning to total carnage. Miss Jenny had wreaked havoc upon the toys. The destruction wasn’t quite complete, but it was awful.
I know it was Jenny. I caught her in action and here is the evidence.
Albert Camus said it best:
Murder is terribly exhausting.
He was correct.
To see why the Pirate Jenny song is so perfect, just follow along below the fold to read the lyrics.
My argument is that science often attempts to recreate naturally occurring phenomena by technological means, and that the results often are subject to the “law of unintended consequences”.
Over the past several decades, Hollywood has been instrumental in ‘gently’ opening the lid of the Genie’s bottle, through movies and television series designed to familiarize people with what was just over the horizon. Today, web instruments, like memes for instance, are used with similar intent.
We see hints poop up everywhere until they tend to coalesce into messages picked up and disseminated further by mass media.
Case in point, as we’ve all read and heard: the internet is made of tubes… The internet is made of cats… Fear the cat butt… Photos of cats’ eyes glowing in the dark “assuming direct control”… And now, cat farts. Why? To get a sense as to where this all might lead, let’s first have a look at NASA’s recording of solar events to analyze their occurrences and effects, using technology developed at LawrenceLivermore National Laboratory (LLNL).
The technology, developed to improve computer chips’ manufacturing specifications and performance, was used to great effect by the Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO). Below is a photo montage of slides taken by NASA’s vehicle:
Now for comparative purposes is a now familiar capture of Miss Jenny’s fart using a mass spectrometer:
While there do appear to be similarities, the shapes and energy releases (swirls and lightning) in the cat’s fart seem to display a more organized pattern, maybe even a design. But I’ll leave the potentially religious considerations to proponents of either Ceiling Cat or Basement Cat, and concentrate on the science.
The releases of energy, discovered by the LLNL scientists have been analyzed in conjunction with a researcher at Stanford’s Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC), and have been shown to be ‘influenced’ by emissions of light particles popularly (and erroneously) referred to as “laser eyes”.
Notice the realigning of molecules and energy. An instrument developed jointly by LLNL and SLAC is used to measure the pulse by pulse levels of energy of an X-ray Free Electron Laser (XFEL).
Now, the XFEL’s ability to capture atoms and molecules in motion with minimal disruption led to another intriguing discovery at SLAC’s Linac Coherent Light Source (LCLS) program: molecules in cats’ farts are imprinted with data and react to photonic emissions from their eyes (the cats’, not the molecules. And if you don’t stop cracking jokes in the back, you’ll get to stay after class).
My theory is that a cat farting on a human is simply an attempt to fully communicate with us, by ‘flagging’ all of our senses, and making us inhale information, so to speak. This process, or more accurately ‘collection of processes’ is now the subject of study for applications ranging from data storage and management to renewable energy (they cannot stop farting, it seems). So if the law of unintended consequences does apply, we may well end up with complete world domination by cats and find ourselves in the litter box… Remember:
Regrettably, I need to talk about the passing of two of my favorites… Let me rephrase that: the passing of gas by Mazuzu “Mace” Whang and Jenny N.
This is another dimension to the old “fear the cat butt” slogan, such as the one I wrote about in “when the nitty gets real gritty”.
When I grew up, our cats were indoors/outdoors with a large yard in which to romp. Our current crop of kittounes are housebound, but still get plenty of exercise. So, why they should squeeze out the foulest SBDs* on a semi-regular basis, I have no clue.
There’s no competition to eat, they all have plenty and stress-free nomming sessions.
I have no idea whether Tito ever cuts the cheese, but there is no doubting the other two open up the valves of hell whenever they get heavy petting.
The most foul? Miss Jenny. That’s right, and I can tell when it’s her as the air takes on a different hue and seems to shimmer as in the summer heat. That’s just before the cloud envelops you like an overly friendly drunk who hugs you and won’t let go and follows you all the way to the window.
You best start the fan, because the fiendish aerosol hangs about for a while and sounds travels slower through it: in her farts, no one can hear you scream. It even generates its own lightning!
No. There is no silver lining to those clouds… As to Maz, you can hear the faintest “buzz”, a bit like a distant boat motor and get a look of heavy sarcasm: “there’s more room outside than inside”, it seems to say. Then you feel like someone pelted you with rotten eggs and cat food.
We know cats took over the internet.
We have always known this would be the beginning, and we have proof that the end is nigh for man’s dominion over this world…
Tito has been exercising his power of inflicting pain on humans who displease Him from afar. Witness Him assuming direct control over this human on TV.
Mazuzu Whang displaying His power, eyes and ears in perfect celestial alignment… Did I mention he can fly?
Miss Jenny Herself ripped tufts of Her fur in rage (well okay, it was a fluffy toy but the intent was chillingly clear).
Traumatic though this upheaval may seem, Cats prove themselves to be kind Masters, Ceiling Cat be praised…
It’s Tito’s turn to feel under the weather with sniffles and sneezes galore. He is on his way to recovery, but it’s been a trying three days.
That and lay offs at work… In any event, this is our excuse for the delay in posting about our masters and mistress. The mistress who farted on me twice in less than 24 hours, the furry fiend. Oh she loves to be petted, for then she poots. Christ. Here they are in their splendor: