Funny story. Two Irish guys, both named William, go to Edinburgh circa 1827 and… Well, “Burke and Hare” tells of William Burke (Simon Pegg) and William Hare (Andy Serkis), scraping by in a city experiencing a sort of Renaissance in scientific studies, particularly medicine. As it happens, two rival surgeons, Doctors Robert Knox (Tom Wilkinson) and Alexander Monro (Tim Curry), are in stiff competition for fresh human meat to dissect.
Paraskevidekatriaphobia, the irrational and morbid fear that something really, really, but really bad is going to happen when the calendar turns to Friday the 13th.
Irrational? But there is a greater fear about a more definite and immediate threat of getting your head ‘sploded by cats. And there’s no name for that yet.
0927 hrs - 1/13/2011: they stopped speaking as I walked into the kitchen
Even Miss Jenny was excluded from their conversation… Whatever, man… ‘Spect the ‘stache…
Walrus? Walpurgis? Tom Selleck?
Eventually, Maz ambled back into the living room and “parked” himself in front of the television until…
I make melon go kablooie
Maz being nothing if not excessive, he ‘sploded another head, lifting his paw under the strain. Either that or he was passing gas.
See what I did there? No? Watch again!
For those who haven’t mastered their powers yet, and I pray they don’t, Tito recommends starting with something easy like the photobomb…
Regrettably, I need to talk about the passing of two of my favorites… Let me rephrase that: the passing of gas by Mazuzu “Mace” Whang and Jenny N.
This is another dimension to the old “fear the cat butt” slogan, such as the one I wrote about in “when the nitty gets real gritty”.
Mazuzu farts, Tito is camouflaged
When I grew up, our cats were indoors/outdoors with a large yard in which to romp. Our current crop of kittounes are housebound, but still get plenty of exercise. So, why they should squeeze out the foulest SBDs* on a semi-regular basis, I have no clue.
There’s no competition to eat, they all have plenty and stress-free nomming sessions.
Peas in a pod, farts in a box...
I have no idea whether Tito ever cuts the cheese, but there is no doubting the other two open up the valves of hell whenever they get heavy petting.
The most foul? Miss Jenny. That’s right, and I can tell when it’s her as the air takes on a different hue and seems to shimmer as in the summer heat. That’s just before the cloud envelops you like an overly friendly drunk who hugs you and won’t let go and follows you all the way to the window.
Jenny's fart photographed with a mass spectrometer
You best start the fan, because the fiendish aerosol hangs about for a while and sounds travels slower through it: in her farts, no one can hear you scream. It even generates its own lightning!
No. There is no silver lining to those clouds… As to Maz, you can hear the faintest “buzz”, a bit like a distant boat motor and get a look of heavy sarcasm: “there’s more room outside than inside”, it seems to say. Then you feel like someone pelted you with rotten eggs and cat food.
Item one: Maz Whang wants to be featured for at least all three summer months, get this, without a shirt on… And despite the fact that he does need a male bra…
Item two: Miss Jenny would do one of the winter months, being a snowshoe and all, but her papers show she’s, ahem, not of age. And this ain’t a “Little Miss Sunshine” contest.
Item three: Tito has no interest in these pursuits, still perfecting his “Scanners” routine of making heads explode on Tee-Vee, or “s’plode” as he likes to say. For an example, see here.
Naturally, Mazuzu is the one who came up with the calendar idea, and if he had his way, it would be his calendar, all twelve months of it. Ham.
We know cats took over the internet.
We have always known this would be the beginning, and we have proof that the end is nigh for man’s dominion over this world…
Tito has been exercising his power of inflicting pain on humans who displease Him from afar. Witness Him assuming direct control over this human on TV.
Tito assuming direct control
Mazuzu Whang displaying His power, eyes and ears in perfect celestial alignment… Did I mention he can fly?
Thus spake Mazuzu Whang
Miss Jenny Herself ripped tufts of Her fur in rage (well okay, it was a fluffy toy but the intent was chillingly clear).
BOW DOWN! FEAR THE CAT BUTT!
Traumatic though this upheaval may seem, Cats prove themselves to be kind Masters, Ceiling Cat be praised…
Hmmm… Is Nightshade Jenny trying to tell us something, I wonder?
Open. Open.Open.
Previously, on this channel, butt-head Maz Whang hissed at Jenny and at my wife when she picked him up to, let’s say “decrease the atmospheric pressure” in the room. Made me wish I had the camera ready, it looked like something out of the first “exorcist” and all I could think of was:
Ego te absolvo in nomine Patris, et Filiii, et Spiritus Sancti!!!!
Not Mazuzu Whang, but close enough. Tito, on the other hand, seems much more mellow and just very curious about the little ball of fur. There is a possibility that Tito could help in bringing her out of her shell, but we’ll explore that later.
Sugar and spice, huh?
In another post, this one about Mazuzu, I’d mentioned that it’s sometimes better to wait for the newly adopted to come up with their own name. And well, beyond the oh-so-sweet blinking gaze of Jenny’s blue peepers, I now sense something more than just the cute, vulnerable fuzzy-wuzzy that makes us go all kajagoogooey and ghoo-buh-ghee? Goo-buh-ghee-ish.
What happened yesterday, I can’t quite discount or otherwise sweep under the carpet. When in the safe room with my wife in the evening, Jenny decided to do a bit of exploring. Wonderful! Yes?
But when my wife was perceived to be getting “danger close” to the dish of wet food, Jenny fixed her with her ice-blue eyes and hissed a clear warning. Sooo-eee! We got us a handful there I think, so let’s see:
Hedwig \he(d)-wig\ as a girl’s name is of Old German origin, and the meaning of Hedwig is “contention, strife“. Actress Hedy Lamarr was born Hedwig Kiesler.
Wicked as in “cool”, that is. This little gal was named Nightshade by the wonderful staff at the San Francisco SPCA, and we’ve decided to call her Nightshade Jenny, Jenny as in Pirate Jenny from Threepenny Opera.
Little Miss Nightshade Jenny. She is quite small with ice blue eyes. Yes, she is gorgeous.
She’ll need time to get acclimated and has a quiet room to do so, always with one of us in it with her, she’s a shy little thing that one. Hopefully, the pictures will do her justice, she is absolutely gorgeous. But then as Leonardo Da Vinci said, the smallest feline is a masterpiece.
