Raccooneers of New Barbary Coast: threat over the water

Most San Francisco visitors I encounter seem eager to run through certain areas of the City, just so they can snap a few pictures here and there, before returning to their hotel satisfied they’ve pretty much seen it all… Fools.

It is like this:

The photos below were taken at tremendous risk, hence the shaky quality of some shots, but one does not simply tangle with raccooneers and expect to hightail it fully intact.

 They saw us. Sh*t's about to get real
They saw us. Sh*t’s about to get real

For those few who understand there’s more to the park than meets the cursory glance, I say go to the Conservatory of Flowers, Bison paddock or Stow Lake, all those storied places worth hours if not days of exploration, “but I do warn ye, if ye value yer life: ye stay well clear o’ North Lake. Place be full o’ monsters with ’em little teeth”.

The party readying to come ashore
The party readying to come ashore

We ain’t – I mean we’re not talking about cute Strawberry Hill over in Stow Lake with them owls and their neighbors, the blue herons. No.

Land Ho!
Land Ho!

I’m talking about that gloomy islet, New Barbary Coast, where Charlotte Raccoon (née Badger) and the others, like the Harpes,  scourge of squirrels and raiders of birds’ nests, ply their trade from dusk ’til dawn…

Who's that devil with a blue peeper?
Who’s that devil with a blue peeper? Major Tom?!?
A stare to chill the hardiest soul
A stare to chill the hardiest soul

One last word of warning: don’t feed the raccooneers, they’re turning into fat b****s… This ain’t no Disney movie.

raccoon smells humansYeah, bring your camera too, 'cuz we're gonna eat all of that
Yeah, bring your camera too, ‘cuz we’re gonna eat all of that


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Night feeding the cats: Cloverfield, Jurassic Park and the Alamo

This just happened. Oh, in the last 40 minutes or so.

Maz: “- Mmmmraw…. Meeeeewe….

Rudha-an: – Unnnh.nnuh. Nno baby, wut time is it..?

Me: – Hrrumph… I’ts… Four thirty. Jesus.

Maz: – Hmmraow. Rrrweee. MRAOW.

Rudha-an: – Not now baby, it’s too – (another body landed on the bed)

Me: – T-Tito what the @#$%? [He takes off]

Rudha-an (as a result of being trampled by Maz): – Would you stop..? Christ almighty. No I’m not going in there. ‘Course I love you too but Jeesus.

Me: – [BONK] Sh*t, who did I kick off the bed..?

Rudha-an: – Musta been Tito.

Me: – No it felt lighter than – [cats are heard romping through the apartment: TROMP-TROMP-TROMP-MMMMMREEEWEEEE!-TAGADA-TAGADA-TAGADA-TSOIN-TSOIN! I dunno… Suddenly one lands next to my feet before taking off at warp speed, claws raking my ankles] AAAGH!!! @#$#^%&!!!!! F*****G $%&*&##@@!!!!!!

Rudha-an: – Told you to cover your feet….

Me: – [for the umpteenth time] THEY GET WARMJoder!!! [Yeah, ’cause I cuss in other languages too…] Bastards!

Maz: – Rrrrrewweee!!! MmROW!

Me: – Hey f***k you pal. [I grab him and wrap him in the blanket against me. As I grab him his legs stiffen out, kicking every which way, like hypnic jerking, one claw nailing Rudha-an in the arm]

clover

Rudha-an: – DAMMIT!!!! $#@^%&*!!!!

I’m holding on tight to Maz, petting him as he tries to burrow an escape tunnel. He turns and MMMRAOWS in my face. I gotta come up for air: I just smelled the entire Seattle fish market fill my nose. Blech.

Jenny, I can tell from the weight before she even utters a chirrup, leaps on my shoulder, slides and rakes my neck with a claw. The Deguello echoes loud in my head. Flesh wound. I’ll live.

Fierce creature...
Fierce creature…

From a corner of the room, not sure which, I feel Tito either orchestrating the mayhem or perhaps waiting to come in and save us… Who knows, both things have happened in the past.

Someday these fangs will come for blood...
Someday these fangs will come for blood…

YES! He jumps next to me and grabs at Jenny who suddenly takes off!

NO! he climbs on my gut and takes a flying leap from there.

I fart. That’s it, I’m awake now…


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Friday Night Cats Blogging: with sadness and a whiff of disgust

Regrettably, I need to talk about the passing of two of my favorites… Let me rephrase that: the passing of gas by Mazuzu “Mace” Whang and Jenny N.
This is another dimension to the old “fear the cat butt” slogan, such as the one I wrote about in “when the nitty gets real gritty”.

Mazuzu farts, Tito is camouflaged
Mazuzu farts, Tito is camouflaged

When I grew up, our cats were indoors/outdoors with a large yard in which to romp. Our current crop of kittounes are housebound, but still get plenty of exercise. So, why they should squeeze out the foulest SBDs* on a semi-regular basis, I have no clue.
There’s no competition to eat, they all have plenty and stress-free nomming sessions.

peas in a pod farts in a box
Peas in a pod, farts in a box...

I have no idea whether Tito ever cuts the cheese, but there is no doubting the other two open up the valves of hell whenever they get heavy petting.
The most foul? Miss Jenny. That’s right, and I can tell when it’s her as the air takes on a different hue and seems to shimmer as in the summer heat. That’s just before the cloud envelops you like an overly friendly drunk who hugs you and won’t let go and follows you all the way to the window.

Jenny's fart photo using a Mass Spectrometer
Jenny's fart photographed with a mass spectrometer

You best start the fan, because the fiendish aerosol hangs about for a while and sounds travels slower through it: in her farts, no one can hear you scream. It even generates its own lightning!

No. There is no silver lining to those clouds… As to Maz, you can hear the faintest “buzz”, a bit like a distant boat motor and get a look of heavy sarcasm: “there’s more room outside than inside”, it seems to say. Then you feel like someone pelted you with rotten eggs and cat food.

* SBD: Silent But Deadly


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Another Pet Food Recall

If you have pets, you need to check on your pet food.  It’s the holiday season and we don’t want any of our critter friends becoming sick.

Kroger has issued a pet food recall. The release can be read at the FDA website.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CINCINNATI, Ohio, – December 18, 2010 – The Kroger Co. said today it is recalling select packages of pet food sold in some of its retail stores because the products may contain aflatoxin, which poses a health risk to pets.

Kroger stores in the following states are included in this recall: Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Ohio, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and West Virginia.

The recall also includes Dillons and Gerbes stores in Kansas and Missouri; Baker’s stores in Nebraska; Food 4 Less stores in Nebraska, Illinois and Indiana (Chicago area); and Jay C, Hilander, Owen’s, Pay Less and Scott’s stores in Illinois and Indiana.

Stores the company operates under the following names are not included in this recall: Ralphs, Fred Meyer, Fry’s, King Soopers, Smith’s, QFC, City Market, Foods Co., and Food 4 Less stores in California and Nevada.

Kroger is recalling the following items:

  • Pet Pride Cat Food sold in 3.5 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111088128
  • Pet Pride Cat Food sold in 18 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111071357
  • Pet Pride Tasty Blend Poultry & Seafood Cat Food sold in 3.5 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111088152
  • Pet Pride Tasty Blend Poultry & Seafood Cat Food sold in 18 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111074580
  • Pet Pride Kitten Formula Food sold in 3.5 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111071903
  • Old Yeller Chunk Dog Food sold in 22 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111074566
  • Old Yeller Chunk Dog Food sold in 50 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111074563
  • Kroger Value Cat Food sold in 3 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111000018
  • Kroger Value Chunk Dog Food sold in 15 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code: 1111071559
  • Kroger Value Chunk Dog Food sold in 50 lb. packages with a sell by date of OCT 23 11 DP and OCT 24 11 DP under the following UPC code:1111000108

Aflatoxin is a naturally-occurring toxic chemical by-product from the growth of the fungus Aspergillus flavus on corn and other crops. If your pet shows any symptoms of illness, including sluggishness or lethargy combined with a reluctance to eat, yellowish tint to the eyes and/or gums, and severe or bloody diarrhea, please consult your veterinarian immediately.

The safety of our customers and their pets is important to Kroger. The company is using its Customer Recall Notification system to alert customers who may have purchased these recalled products through register receipt tape messages and automated phone calls. Customers who have purchased a recalled item should not use it and should return it to a store for a full refund or replacement.

Customers who have questions about this recall may contact Kroger toll-free at (800) 632-6900. For more information, please visit www.kroger.com/recalls9.

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Latest Pet Food recall

Sponsored by Jellybeansofdoom staff, Tito & Kitsune

Here’s a shout out to anyone in the Loveland, CO area.  There is a small recall that may have an effect on you.  Please take care.

P&G Recalls Small Number of Bags of Cat Food From Stores in Loveland, Colorado

August 29, 2010 – CINCINNATI  — Procter & Gamble (P&G) is voluntarily recalling a small number of bags of its Iams Proactive Health Indoor Weight & Hairball Care dry cat food which may have been sold recently in one or two stores in Loveland, Colorado.These bags have the potential to contain salmonella, although no illnesses have been reported.  No other Iams pet food products are affected.

The Iams Proactive Health Indoor Weight & Hairball Care cat food in question is sold in blue 6.8-pound bags.  These bags feature a code date of 02304173 (B1-B6) and the UPC number 1901403921.

The rest is available at the link above.

We will try to keep all our pet people notified of any recalls.  My apologies for the delay on this one.  We had a major computer problem that took us a couple of days to fix.  Since our pets (and probably yours) are more than animals, but full-fledged members of the family, it’s a subject that is important to us.

We had friends who lost cats and dogs during the Melamine Pet Food Recall of 2007.  That was a truly horrifying event and we hope to never see it’s like again.  However, given that we can’t even keep human food production clean (Eggs anyone?), we won’t hold our breath.  At best, we can remain vigilant and do our best to protect our pets.


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Latest Pet Food Recalls

Sponsored by Jellybeansofdoom staff, Tito & Kitsune

For the humans with dogs, please take care that you no longer have any of these in your home.  It would be terrible if any of you got sick.

August 13, 2010 – Merrick Pet Care Recalls Filet Squares & Texas Hold’ems 10oz Bag (Item # 60016 All Lots) Because of Possible Salmonella Health Risk

August 16, 2010 – Merrick Pet Care, Inc. of Amarillo, Texas is recalling all lots of its 10 oz “Beef Filet Squares” for Dogs and “Texas Hold’ems” pet treats because they have the potential to be contaminated with Salmonella. Salmonella can affect animals and there is risk to humans from handling contaminated pet products. People handling the treats can become infected with Salmonella, especially if they have not thoroughly washed their hands after having contact with the chews or any surfaces exposed to these products. Consumers should dispose of these products in a safe manner by securing them in a covered trash receptacle.

Here’s a link to Merrick Pet Foods

Given that this appears to be a fairly small scale recall that doesn’t involve dozens of items and labels, we ask that you continue to give them your business.  It’s a family owned business and in this economic climate a recall fueled boycott could put them out of business.  We have seen far to much of that lately.


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