I was salivating about stuffing a turkey with Spam this week, how unoriginal I know… I do like Spam, even the kind we find in the site’s ‘Spam’ box. Those buggers are getting semi-creative, as in this comment about “the worst journey in the world”:
“This was interesting and ive forwarded it on to all my friends on planet zikzar45. IF they like what you have written they may spare your life
but if they dont, well you should prepare your will. Earthling.”
Bet he or she drives a Plymouth Satellite (wink-wink), I’d like to have what he’s having.
But lo! Do I have a recommendation for your Thanksgiving night viewing….
“Blood freak” – (1971, USA 86 minutes, rated R)
This is no longer available through Netflix, and my recollections might be –perhaps – somewhat “clouded”…
Whatever your poison of choice is, even if it’s Wild Turkey, load up on it. Put the flick in the machine (can’t bring myself to even call this a movie). Well, look, it’s really bad. But in a groovy way, dig? As in dated… Carbon dated.
We’ve seen silent films which didn’t feel this fixed in their era.
Where was I? Thanksgiving started early…. Oh. So this dude Herschell (Steve Hawkes, born Sipek in Croatia), so named as a reference to Herschell Gordon Lewis, rides up on Angel, stranded by a flat tire, gives her a lift back to her pad where her sis is getting’ high with hipsters, yeah?
But Herschell, normally a righteous guy, partakes of the evil grass and boffs Ann, the baaaad sister.
A pattern emerges. Angel evangelizes (no: seriously) and Ann gets high. Here’s what I think… I think they (Steve Hawkes and his co-writer/director Brad F. Grinter) got money for the shoot from some local Floridian church congregation. They would make a movie with a message about the evils which befall today’s youth, and make money on its exploitation style.
Watch the trailer:
Well, reportedly the financial backer(s) pulled out of the production and the two compadres had to pony up their own to finish it. Yeah it kind shows, too.
After smoking pot, things seem to slow down for Herschell and he goes to work for some weird old man who’s a mad scientist running a turkey farm, and whom I believe to be Ann and Angel’s father.
Did I mention a narrator shows up between scenes, commenting, smoking and coughing…?
The old man injects his turkeys with his own concoctions, and when Herschell gorges on a whole bird, he becomes “blood freak”, a half-man/half turkey who attacks drug dealers and drinks their blood. Well it’s really just a bad turkey mask…
But here’s a spoiler of sorts, not about how this thing ends, because that really doesn’t matter. No.
This is why you want to get a buzz on: the sex scene between blood freak and Angel.
The screen is dark.
There are only voices.
Mostly Angel’s as she worries about giving birth to freakish baby turkeys.
What I believe made “Blood Freak” a cult film is Herschell’s reply to Angel’s clamors:
“Oh Herschell… Herschell!
– Gobble-gobble-gobble!”
If you can get your hands on it, have yourselves a “Mystery Science Theatre” kind of night. It’s a gooooood thing.
“Blood Freak” gets 3 jellybeans…
